which probably would have meant a good thing.

but, reading an update right now, had definitely meant some event.

a bad one.

real bad.

i still remember everything vividly.

i was in the train. on the way home with emily.

we were talking a bit, napping.. like any other students.

just after she alighted in a while. mum called.

she told me gugu's cancer became terminal.

of course, i was shocked. i still am. how could i not be.

she had completed those torturing chemo sessions, and the doctor had diagnosed her recovering.

we even went on shopping trips after she was all well.

i thought everything would have been over.

obviously, we are wrong.

i just kept crying in the cabin like how i am now.

i must have scared the other passengers.

when i got home, i locked myself in my room pretending to be asleep.

sometimes, i really hate myself. at times like this, i'm still being overly concerned of my image. how could i?!

and i really did fell asleep.

i woke up thinking all that happened, the call, train, was only a dream.

i knew i was only being denial.

i went to visit her in the evening.

she laid on the angled bed and smiled when she saw me.

my heartache knowing how hard that smile could be seen again.

i know i shouldn't cry.

but seeing her bruised arms and the needle poking through her delicate skin just broke my heart.

like a idiot, i sat on her bed weeping.

she still had the strength to hold my hand tightly.

like how she would when we go on weekend shopping sprees.

she said, 我会舍不得你们。

i was crying so hard that i couldn't even reply.

actually, i didn't want to. i knew very well what she meant.

i just kept crying the whole night and binged.

kept eating because i couldn't feel full.

then i would vomit them all out when my body couldn't take it.

like a idiot. i feel so helpless.

i don't know what to do when she's in pain.

i'm willing to do anything to make her feel alright.

but i really don't know how.

everyday, i would try to distract myself.

joking and fooling around. being lame. being nicole.

but i know, i'm not laughing and enjoying the time. i just can't.

how can i?

Gugu darling is someone who is very afraid of pain. she wanted to see me grow up so she had endured the pain and suffering.

but it isn't over yet.

i went to visit her at the hospital today.

her pain stricken face greeted me.

the nurse was just setting up the drip for her.

and blood was flowing out of the pvc tubing.

i promised not to cry in front of her anymore. and i did a good job.

I smiled and greeted her. and she return with her a rather weak smile.

the giddy spells had made her weak and worn out.

she used to ask me.

"do i look fat and old?"

and i would always lie to please her.

"no you aren't."

look at her now.

she's slim down a whole lot.

but i don't wanna tell her the truth.

it doesn't reflect anything positive.

i cant write anymore. the more i typed, the more painful my heart aches.

i'll go blind if i continue.

seriously?!

curlycurlycutebastard from pasta, baimodan of threebrothers and sexyfoxnominwoo was in a group?!

and they sang?!

and they debutted?!

but they are now all actors.

it wasn't tt bad~

it's out!!! OMG! Hello is on replay right now :P

don't talk to me. too busy.

i can't wait for the Muziq Veedeoh.

i can't want for the other two songs, Get in and One.

i can't wait for the arrival of my album!!!

and the poster!!

my gawd!

i can't wait to learn the new dance.

bye bye.

haven't blog for ages.

yeap finished my semestral exams a week ago.

was busy with stuffs here and there.

finally got the stuffs to do laid out.

and i'm enjoying my holidays :D

NO BOOKS AT ALL!!

results will be out next week on the 4th. excited.

SHINee repackage will also be out on the 4th.

and the comeback this friday!!!!

i'm so not going out.

(edit: i've just placed my pre-order. EXCITED!)

before exams/ during exams, i do revise.

but i play too. alot actually.

enjoying the process of studying makes it easier for me to absorb.

agree?

tomorrow, after i've paid for the album. i'll be -20% accomplished.

hais. rain money please!

went kbox with my sis on the last day of exam.

Woo~ kpop :D

but when it comes to the money, it was T.T

exp ttm...

that same day, grandma was admitted into ttsh for drug allergy.

she's discharged and is fine now c:

been dancing a lot lately.

finally picked up a girl group dance thanks to elainee.

girl group dances are T.T SHINee dances are much easier.

ha! and i picked up f(x) Nu ABO today.

love the choreography.

it's tiring. but not very difficult actually. swift actions, i admit.

with gom player, that was resolved. lol!

i think i'm going for Cut and Paste. it seems quite fun :D

Ctrl C 하고 Ctrl V :D

I wonder if Hello has the chance with 2NE1 and BoA. Fierce...

enough of kpop.

i haven't got time to read.

no, there's time. i just didn't feel like doing it. the twilight saga's getting quite sick for me.

i still have breaking dawn to complete.

i wonder when will Keys to the Repository be available in singapore.

the wait is killing me.

even kino doesn't have it.

i need some Blue Blood T.T

started on writing feeques too.

never thought that it could be so fun :D

okay i sound like an otaku now.

got to continue with my drama~

ㅋㅋㅋ... 안녕히 계세요~*

사랑이없더 ㅈ.ㅈ

but nothing special is happening these days.

i'm enjoying my YOG break :D

so, i'm also looking forward to my semester break. in 3 weeks time. haha!!

yes.semester break. so my semester test is round the corner.

and my books/ notes are so begging me to clean the dust of them.

sadly, i just cant set my heart to do it.

distraction. yes. shinee. that's another one.

i just keep procrastinating.

urgh! whatever.

first comeback post :D

so let's share some pictures~

2 days ago.

went back to malaysia to visit my granny :D

and i cam whored with my baby-onew-cousin .

you might not think she looks like onew.

see! even onew agrees :D:D
cr: me "take gif with credits!"

and that's all for today, i guess :D

end off with my jjonggie, keymeera and tearddie.

which probably would have meant a good thing.

but, reading an update right now, had definitely meant some event.

a bad one.

real bad.

i still remember everything vividly.

i was in the train. on the way home with emily.

we were talking a bit, napping.. like any other students.

just after she alighted in a while. mum called.

she told me gugu's cancer became terminal.

of course, i was shocked. i still am. how could i not be.

she had completed those torturing chemo sessions, and the doctor had diagnosed her recovering.

we even went on shopping trips after she was all well.

i thought everything would have been over.

obviously, we are wrong.

i just kept crying in the cabin like how i am now.

i must have scared the other passengers.

when i got home, i locked myself in my room pretending to be asleep.

sometimes, i really hate myself. at times like this, i'm still being overly concerned of my image. how could i?!

and i really did fell asleep.

i woke up thinking all that happened, the call, train, was only a dream.

i knew i was only being denial.

i went to visit her in the evening.

she laid on the angled bed and smiled when she saw me.

my heartache knowing how hard that smile could be seen again.

i know i shouldn't cry.

but seeing her bruised arms and the needle poking through her delicate skin just broke my heart.

like a idiot, i sat on her bed weeping.

she still had the strength to hold my hand tightly.

like how she would when we go on weekend shopping sprees.

she said, 我会舍不得你们。

i was crying so hard that i couldn't even reply.

actually, i didn't want to. i knew very well what she meant.

i just kept crying the whole night and binged.

kept eating because i couldn't feel full.

then i would vomit them all out when my body couldn't take it.

like a idiot. i feel so helpless.

i don't know what to do when she's in pain.

i'm willing to do anything to make her feel alright.

but i really don't know how.

everyday, i would try to distract myself.

joking and fooling around. being lame. being nicole.

but i know, i'm not laughing and enjoying the time. i just can't.

how can i?

Gugu darling is someone who is very afraid of pain. she wanted to see me grow up so she had endured the pain and suffering.

but it isn't over yet.

i went to visit her at the hospital today.

her pain stricken face greeted me.

the nurse was just setting up the drip for her.

and blood was flowing out of the pvc tubing.

i promised not to cry in front of her anymore. and i did a good job.

I smiled and greeted her. and she return with her a rather weak smile.

the giddy spells had made her weak and worn out.

she used to ask me.

"do i look fat and old?"

and i would always lie to please her.

"no you aren't."

look at her now.

she's slim down a whole lot.

but i don't wanna tell her the truth.

it doesn't reflect anything positive.

i cant write anymore. the more i typed, the more painful my heart aches.

i'll go blind if i continue.

seriously?!

curlycurlycutebastard from pasta, baimodan of threebrothers and sexyfoxnominwoo was in a group?!

and they sang?!

and they debutted?!

but they are now all actors.

it wasn't tt bad~

it's out!!! OMG! Hello is on replay right now :P

don't talk to me. too busy.

i can't wait for the Muziq Veedeoh.

i can't want for the other two songs, Get in and One.

i can't wait for the arrival of my album!!!

and the poster!!

my gawd!

i can't wait to learn the new dance.

bye bye.

haven't blog for ages.

yeap finished my semestral exams a week ago.

was busy with stuffs here and there.

finally got the stuffs to do laid out.

and i'm enjoying my holidays :D

NO BOOKS AT ALL!!

results will be out next week on the 4th. excited.

SHINee repackage will also be out on the 4th.

and the comeback this friday!!!!

i'm so not going out.

(edit: i've just placed my pre-order. EXCITED!)

before exams/ during exams, i do revise.

but i play too. alot actually.

enjoying the process of studying makes it easier for me to absorb.

agree?

tomorrow, after i've paid for the album. i'll be -20% accomplished.

hais. rain money please!

went kbox with my sis on the last day of exam.

Woo~ kpop :D

but when it comes to the money, it was T.T

exp ttm...

that same day, grandma was admitted into ttsh for drug allergy.

she's discharged and is fine now c:

been dancing a lot lately.

finally picked up a girl group dance thanks to elainee.

girl group dances are T.T SHINee dances are much easier.

ha! and i picked up f(x) Nu ABO today.

love the choreography.

it's tiring. but not very difficult actually. swift actions, i admit.

with gom player, that was resolved. lol!

i think i'm going for Cut and Paste. it seems quite fun :D

Ctrl C 하고 Ctrl V :D

I wonder if Hello has the chance with 2NE1 and BoA. Fierce...

enough of kpop.

i haven't got time to read.

no, there's time. i just didn't feel like doing it. the twilight saga's getting quite sick for me.

i still have breaking dawn to complete.

i wonder when will Keys to the Repository be available in singapore.

the wait is killing me.

even kino doesn't have it.

i need some Blue Blood T.T

started on writing feeques too.

never thought that it could be so fun :D

okay i sound like an otaku now.

got to continue with my drama~

ㅋㅋㅋ... 안녕히 계세요~*

사랑이없더 ㅈ.ㅈ

but nothing special is happening these days.

i'm enjoying my YOG break :D

so, i'm also looking forward to my semester break. in 3 weeks time. haha!!

yes.semester break. so my semester test is round the corner.

and my books/ notes are so begging me to clean the dust of them.

sadly, i just cant set my heart to do it.

distraction. yes. shinee. that's another one.

i just keep procrastinating.

urgh! whatever.

first comeback post :D

so let's share some pictures~

2 days ago.

went back to malaysia to visit my granny :D

and i cam whored with my baby-onew-cousin .

you might not think she looks like onew.

see! even onew agrees :D:D
cr: me "take gif with credits!"

and that's all for today, i guess :D

end off with my jjonggie, keymeera and tearddie.